Michelle-Mariolina, 21 years old, Swedish/Estonian living in Nice, France.

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I WOULD LOVE TO BUT I CAN'T



Sometimes I stress myself to the level that I feel really bad. I stress myself, even if I know (deep inside) that everything is going to be okay. And then I have to hear others tell me "you don't have to stress, it will be fine". And it always turn out fine, but still, I stress myself to the level that I feel so tired in my whole body and brain. And then in the end I just lay there in the bed on a wednesday morning and I tell myself, "No I don't want to get up from bed. I don't want to. I can't" And I feel how my whole body just says NO and I want to just get up from bed and start the day, because usually I LOVE waking up early, to eat breakfast, take some photos, study, prepare for school and head of to Monaco and enjoy the day, meet up with friends and have a really good time.

Sometimes it's not like this. Sometimes I am not as happy as I would like me to be.

Sometimes I feel so tired my whole body is screaming. My whole body is in pain from all the stress.

Sometimes I would LOVE to meet a friend that I haven't met in a while just because I couldn't before or because my body didn't feel so at that time. "Hi whould you like to meet at 15pm today?". Answere: I would love to but I can't, (and sometimes I really can't because of some reasons.) But sometimes I just...can't. My body says no. I feel completely empty in my soul. Do you know how that feels like? I feel so empty and drained and..if you would meet me I would be a complete mess. You would see me in my bad days, I would only like you to meet me when I am happy, when I am bright like the sun and on top of the world.
Do you know how this feels?

To feel completely empty, drained and stressed.

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