Michelle-Mariolina, 21 years old, Swedish/Estonian living in Nice, France.

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I HAD A EATING DISORDER



Yes you have understood it right from the headline of this blog post.

I had a eating disorder.

I was 13 years old. Our dad just past away, and with a lot of things happening arround. I was very sad, low and the only thing that could make me feel better was to be better. And in order to be better, I always had in mind to become skinny. And I remember that time. I made up food schedules on what to eat for a day, and it could be to only eat one tomato for lunch. for breakfast I only drank a lot of water to feel like I just ate. And for other occasions when I was eating with others or in school, I went to the bathroom after and got all the food out.

And this was going on for half a year until the nurse at my school told me that my weight is very unhealthy. I remember I was under 40 kg and 170 cm tall. And we talked about it. Ofcourse I felt bad, it was like she knew what I was doing, all my plans crashed and a week after I was at the hospital talking about anorexia with the clinic.

I got better within a year maybe, I barely rememeber now. But I remember that it was hard. I was still so obsessed with getting as thin as I could.

And today, well, the reason for writing this post is to tell you that I STILL struggle with this. I still struggle everyday with the obsession of being thin, and I know it is so easy to fall back to that point in my life I was in.. And how do I feel about my body at the moment? Really bad actually. As soon as I have a kind off a healthy body, and eating WELL I feel fat, gross and disgusting. At this is the truth. THIS is my truth after reading magazines, seeing commercials with paper thin models and people eating salads instead of enjoying a nice brownie or cake.

Everybody is beautiful, you just have to learn how to love your own.




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