"Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself"

As a teenager. I always thought I had to pretend and be somebody else.
In a way like..I could be noisy and talk a lot to be herd. So I would seem to be the most happiest, funniest girl EVER. Or, drink as much alcohol I could so I would be the most "funniest" that everybody would love. And I started to do all ttypes of different things to try to be the best, most loveable person. One time I even started to loose in weight on purpose (when I was 13 years old), because of all the pressure from others. Still, it was only ghosts in my head from the people that bullied me as a child and told me I was fat and ugly, I had small eyes etc etc. And I could often hear people call me "fett-fia" in swedish, which means, something similar like "fattie". So all this happened when I was a child. There was a lot of people trying to break me down. And I broke down many times. My family was a big support tho.

But as a teenager it got calm. Nobody tried to bully me anymore. I moved out to the city with my family, changed school and got other friends. But still, the horrible words was still in my head saying "Nobody wants you", "You are just ugly and fat". When I was 13, I started to buy brand clothes. It was cool in the new school I was in, I also started my first blog, tried to read blogs, see what's in and cool, and I made up a schedule in how to loose weight over a summer when I was on vacation from school. And I wanted to come back to the school really skinny, so everybody would love me, and wonder what type of cool girl that was.

I was so satisfied when the scale showed 41 kg, and I was 170 cm tall. I felt so good. Like I accomplished something really amazing. But the bad words was still in my head. I needed to loose more weight, and do this and that. Finally the doctor at the school offered me help at the hospital because of bulimi and anorexia, so me and mum had to go there and talk to the clinic.


Today I am feeling well. Still I am really mad at those people that bullied me and made me feel so bad. But I also don't really care anymore, I love myself today. And I often treat myself with good food, I do what I love and I only look forward now.

So yes, I just wanted to tell you this. So that you get to know me a little bit more. And also, love yourself and don't ever let anybody make you feel bad. <3


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